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So my fingers literally keep taking me to my blog, without my permission. It is a wonderful surprise that i feel the need to write so.
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This weekend my grandpa turned 90. big fun. also, liam and i have been dating for ten months. thats practically ten years! kinda... i don't know. he's awful nice to me. he also has a lot of facial hair alllll over.
i'm so tired i don't even know what to write.
sometimes i make jokes on here?
has anyone heard of jesse slaughter? damn, i feel so bad for that girl. i mean, shes talking complete shit and sounds a little like an idiot, but she's eleven. her brain has hardly developed. my brain, for that matter has hardly developed. she's completely responsible, but at the same time, she just can't be. i doubt, so much, even if she wasn't getting death threats and didn't have a lot of 'haters' that in ten years she'll look back on those videos and be proud. in ten years, i'll probably either have forgotten this, the world will have ended, or i'll chuckle a little when i realize how limited my view of the world was (is?). not to mention how that will follow her. It will take her years before people stop associating the name 'jesse slaughter' with the emotionally tattered eleven year old screaming profanities into the camera. even after that, if she even tries to be some sort of public figure, it'll be dug up all over again and blown out of proportion again.
well, apparently i had a lot to say about that...
did i tell you that i'm elizabeth proctor in the crucible yet? well yes. i am... anyway. i have to memorize so many things.
also....?
my parents hit a deer? the car is all broked.
rory's girlfriend came over to dinner tonight and first thing my mom asks her is "so, emily, has anyone you know ever run into a deer?"
good stuff, mom.

Blogging? Again? So soon? wwwwhuuuut

Well... Boredom seems to have gotten the best of me. Even though i should technically be writing my dungeons and dragons character's backstory or finishing my chem homework or reading gone with the wind and swooning over rhett butler and having to remind myself every couple chapters that i have a boyf and i am indeed not scarlett o'hara (i mix this up quite frequently) or making sure my body is clean enough to be carted off to school tomorrow....
Yeah. You heard me, did you see how i slipped it in so smoothly? dungeons and dragons. murwee's first campaign. big whoops indeed. i'm so excited. i feel like such a nerd. therefore i am excited.
Oh, another thing i should be doing, preparing for the crucible auditions tomorrow. i'm so nervous. i'm afraid that my wonderful, smart, wise, pretty, etc. director won't give me a part. but she has to. when she signed my student council recommendation last year, she said "okay, i'll reccommend you as long as this doesn't get in the way of what i want to do with you next year." that means something, right? and my 24 hour play performance was mad tight. i don't know. i'm still really nervous. the rest of the stuff doesn't really matter. it's the auditions that do. so i better do good at them. hahaha. i sound incredibly intelligent. seriously though. if i don't get a part, its safe to say that i will be heartbroken. this is my year. i deserve it. right?
enough of that. as scarlett always says... i'll think of it tomorrow.

erf.
Music: in the aeroplane over sea, neutral milk hotel and shadowcasting, ra ra riot
Food: birthday cake. yeah. mad spiffy. and i'm still in my jam jams. jealous?
Halloween Costume: southern belle. that's right. i have a wedding dress i'm pimping out. it'll probably change next week but for right now, this is gonna be sexy.

so... it's been a while...

i haven't blogged...
in a rather long time.
i suppose i didn't really see any need to.
now that my readers have dropped to somewhere around .734....
anyway.
summer happened.
i went to triennium.
which was disappointing.
and i'm supposed to talk about my experience and how it changed me in front of the prebytery (a bunch of stuffy old people) which wouldn't be a problem, except i'm doing it for jane and therefore i want to do a really, really, good job to make her proud... but it didnt really affect me... except being the root of an extreme faith crisis... but that's too personal and big to give a minute's speech about to a bunch of old people... and it would probably negatively affect any funding they would do for next year's trip... and i wouldn't want to do that...
anyway...
gun lake was fantastic as well.
liam got me a little statue of a turtle standing on a turtle with a dragon's head from archimage. i named them stan and delmar.
i like him.
anywho...
then came cory. i had the most wonderful campers in the whole wide world. we even tamed the girl that was supposed to be the unruliest of all the fishies. for our skit we completely choreographed bohiemian rhapsody... and it was spectatular... owen passed on the herbal essences legacy to harrison... and henry tried to drag me, literally kicking and screaming, throwing myself on the ground so he would have to drag me over the muddy field, into jail during capture the flag, which i was immediately freed from... all in all, a really good week. i haven't slept in my own bed at all... so i'm pretty tired... i miss camp though. rehearsals sucked balls but i'd rather be there then have my grueling schedule...
i have six frees... out of forty eight periods... urgh. at least i have some with liam. i'm kind of secretly nervous about us for the first semester or so... i can honestly say he means more to me than the majority of all the things that are going to be stealing my time from me... but that doesn't mean i'll have the guts to quit them for him. i dunno... merf. we. will. get. through. it. it. will. be. great. i don't necessarily have any reason for thinking that we'll break up, otherwise than the spending time together obstacle, other than my hatred for all males and general distrust of them... we're doing really well. there's a couple things i'd like to talk about but can't on here... but it's okay. i should be talking to him about that anyway...
wow. apparently i had lots to talk about? makes sense... i haven't blogged alll summer.
i guess i figured i didn't really need to.
i still don't know if i want to.... we'll see...
liam... should be here...

ohhhhhhaaaaaiiiii

summer is here at last!
goodness gracious me.
1. i want chinese food so bad right now.
2. if i can't have chinese food then i'd like to see my boyfriend, i guess.
3. just kidding i really wanna see that kid.
4. ha, i had you there. you were like !?!?!?! but i knew what was going on.
5. i'm typing, not thinking.
6. finals were lame, but still cool. i like tests, they make me feel so smart.
7. i was so worried about science for nothing. i finished mad early and made faces at boyfriend for the rest of the live long day
8. father's day happened.
9. i'm going to my niece's kindergarten graduation tomorrow.
10. my nephew is a bonehead
11. i went canoeing with my father tonight. it was nice.
12. i'm reading pride and prejudice.
13. just so i can read pride and prejudice and zombies.
14. i'm really hungry. boyfriend and chinese food, appear!
15. i'm sleepy too, while we're complaining.
16. hyperbole caboose's last show was friday. my foot was stepped on three times by a) a two inch high heel, b) a vegan baby brother's foot and c) some random mosher. it was incredibly lame. i had to sit out for most their set, but boyfriend sat with me, which was lovely of him.
17. liam had dinner with my parents the same day.
18. it was cool i guess.
19. shuddup about your boyfriend murie, no one cares.
20. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
21. so sleepy, did i mention?
22. messing up and fixing grammar mistakes causes me to think, this is annoying.
23. i like bananas. my grandmother says they're good for me
24. chinese food?

Sventy four hour plaays

alkdjflakdjf!
my my, i just came from my first twenty four hour play, and by gum, it was fantastic.
i was all worried that i'd never memorize my lines, but i was fine...
my play, so dear to me, was entitled 'old hambone jim's sawdust regrets.' i played karen, his lost love.
the play ended with me taking a step forward after deciding to run away with him and a piano falling on my head.
i messed up one line.
it was okay.
i hope.
anywho. i spoke in a forrest gump accent throughout and my mouth feels all full of cotton and i can't stop speaking with a slight twang. i hate how that happens, but i kind of love it too...
i'm really sad rory couldn't go though.
i was very proud of myself (the kid that wrote the play went up and shook my hand and told me how wonderfully i embodied his written words).
i wanted him to be there...
:(

Feelings = Chemicals

today we learned in science that feelings aren't really real.
everything in my brain is just a series of complex chemical reactions.
doesn't that scare you?
depression... isn't feeling. it's just over production... (or maybe underproduction?) of... urgh. i remembered it earlier.. it starts with an s... saratonin? i think.
it's upsetting, really, it is.

on the bright side, liam decided that we should move to south france.
i decided that we should have a farm.
with geese. i've named them gilderoy and patricia.
and a turtle. his name is delmar.
i'm working on thinking of more names and animals.
i love this boy.

june the first

my face is better.
my knees still hurt.
but hannah colored my scars
blue
so it's better.
i told liam that i wanted a dinosaur.
he found one that would be
easily house-trained
and
good with small children.
It's a hypsilophodon.
hooray.

summer is here, i can taste it.
springfest was lackluster
and disappointing.
but i wrote a sonnet,
and wonwonwon.
i'm the sophomore representative at large.
and i remember how to spell sophomore, 75% of the time
[i'm getting old]

i fergots about yalls...

today i broke my face.
i have a bruise. and a wound. that looks like it's perpetually oozing blood.
but isn't.
it just hurts to touch.
ow.

May Sixth

May Sixth. The sixth of may... I'm waiting for this to have more weight... meaning... It still hasn't come... It's 8:22...
It's been rolling about in my brain all day, though I'm yet to really feel it. If i'm going to at all. I did all my homework last night, so I could take my free to read catcher in the rye and sit outside freezing my butt off in this idiotic rochester weather, perhaps allowing myself to fall into depression again, just for a day. no, not depression. fall into my thoughts. that's what i meant.
but i didn't.
i hardly remembered until like... third period. i went inside cuz i got cold. i couldn't get into catcher in the rye. my thoughts wouldn't take me anywhere but the present.

i'm free.

uh... so it's may first....

its fair to say that i failed blog more frequently this april...
or did i?
i blogged more frequently, id say...
just not... everyday...
you know. i can't think of anything else to write so this is gonna be one of those infuriating posts where its like why can't she write more than like 5 sentences.
i'm really tired. i talked to liam until... 330.
the only thing i really remember is me suggesting that we get a flock of flying pandas... and an argument over whether or not i should pee.
we're all very sophisticated.

dammit

kdfjaldkjfalk;
I let the number getting higher. again.
rawrgh.
I'm going to florida on monday. I'm so flippin excited.
ah, consistent sun, a real reason to wear shorts, humidy and sunny and beachy goodness.
the best part: my parents aren't coming with me.
i'm staying with my aunt, who is about the coolest person ever. Like, I adore the rest of my extended family, and i'm not saying favorites or anything, but she's like, legit, really cool.
she's a fabric conservationist (i don't think that's the title.. but you get the idea) and she works on pieces for museums, like she's taken care of princess diana's dresses, president roosevelt's teddy bear, african tribal outfits, you get the idea, but that stuff just really interests me. i mean, i'd never have the patience to do that myself, all the tiny stiching and bead work and little details, but it's all so cool...
huzzah!

...:)

120 days.
tomorrow makes 121.
tomorrow makes 4 months.
that's how long i've been dating [later edit:] ABUSIVE MEGASHIT. isn't that insane?
like, really, the most insane thing you've ever heard.
i don't know if i've even liked anyone else exclusively for this long in the past threeish years, doesn't that freak you out?
it kind of freaks me out.
i also feel really lucky.

posts to go: still four... sigh.
music: down to the river to pray from o brother where art thou? (rory's watching it in the next room)
food: i don't know but it was cool.

why my english teacher might be my favorite teacher

i actually don't really know what i want to say here. i mean. i like that he really encourages me to write. and i feel like when i do homework in his class or write stuff, i'm not doing it to get it done, i actually care what i'm writing about and i want to make him proud of me, and i think that's the only teacher that has made me really really want to do good. that's something, right?
anywho. this is my ninth post. it's the 13th. that means... i have four more posts? after this one? damn. the number never goes down.

posts to go: 4
music: .44 caliber love letter, alexisonfire
most recent food item: broccoli kiesh... or however you spell it. noms.

Why My Social Studies Teacher Should Not Be Allowed to Teach

Alex v: what's the difference between compassion and passionate???
Mr. Gross: uuuuhhhhhh. Compassionate is to feel strongly about something. Passionate...... is the act of being compassionate.
this post is to be short and sweet. i want y'all to revel in the horribleness this quote reveals.

Music?

alrighty then. just plowin' on through.
my recently obtained music is basically limited to the morning bender's new album and ben fold's (feat regina spektor) you don't know me.
i know.
it's sad.
not so much the morning benders. that's all cool, but the ben folds. that happened like a year ago, and i'm just getting it. yeeeahhhh.
in addition to the you don't know me, though, i'm also getting into whatever and ever amen and yes alice, if you're reading this and scowling, you probably have been listening to ben folds since before i was born, i'm so ashamed... blah blah blah.
hmmm. what else. algernon cadwallader. i like them. and i've started listening to gangster rap?
hahaha. just kidding. sorta.
when rory drives me to school we like to be ironic suburban white kids in a '93 volvo pumping each bass note of 'damn it feels good to be a gangster' like it's its last. this little ditty is my favourite. yep.
i think that may be it. i shan't rant on. that's not how i do.

I wanted to blog about college... i think?

mmmkay.
so. college.
the inevitable institution looming in my future.
i despise it.
no. i don't think i meant that. college is supposed to be a lovely experience... all campusy and learny and thinky and experimenty. it's the treachorous preparation that freaks me out. APs, SATs, ACTs, extracurriculars, exciting summer plans, volunteer work, GPAs, applications, essays, rejection, tuition. my mom even wants me to graduate a year early. which i am against. all my friends are against, my brother is against, and even my father is against. she's crazy. aw well.
jeezum crow, i feel so underprepared. i'm not doing anything all that exciting this summer. i mean, i'm traveling a bit, i'm volunteering a lot and i'm taking a week-long writing course. that's it. and that, my mother brought up isn't a lot. i don't feel like i need to fill that void, this'll be the first summer that i've had, not all filled up with random shit for me to do. but the other thing my mother said was that i have this summer and the next to do stuff for my applications.
isn't that so bleak?
i shouldn't do stuff because i want to, rather, i should do them because the admissions offices want me to.
now, don't get me wrong, i'm terribly greatful for this opportunity to be able to get a higher education... but really, in college i'll run into the same process, at the end, with internships and job experience and more applications... oy. i feel to young for this. really, i do.
if you haven't noticed, in these blogs i'm more just reflecting for myself... don't blame me, i'm writing fast and i have lots of stuff on my mind. i don't really talk about stuff that matters anymore.

posts to go: no idea
current music: the rainbow connection, kermit the frog
recent eats: salad with a greeky kind of dressing, noms

FOBROOO

THIS IS MY 100TH POST. yaaaaaay. i feel like it should be more exciting than this, but i can't think of anything particularly interesting or nostalgic about this blog.
so, last last night, i went to see forbidden broadway. it was fabulous. the people involved in it are all so talented, i'm really just in awe. it was kind of hilarious as well, and kelsey claire looks adorable in a fat suit. (that's not our production... but still. fat suits. andrew and peter didn't look quite as adorable as kelsey in their fat suits.) and dazmann was lovely, as the cats dude.
okay, i'm just saying how wonderful everyone was.
this is pointless, but really it was so so so good.
something else with which i can make this post better!
erm... i went to an art show last night? it was interesting. my parents told the people that i was a college student so i could get in for cheaper. they believed them. i dunno. it was cool. lots of really good art, rory was in it, lots of thick-rimmed glasses, vintagey flowered dresses, oxford pumps (i really really want a pair of these. i'm not sure how i would wear them because i don't really wear heels... and i live at school, but they are so cool) cardigans, leather belts, flannel shirts, skinny jeans. it was all mad deck (look at me, whippin' out my hipster slang) and everyone looked all individual and creative and artsy... but it was also really the same, because they were all the same mold of different.
i saw two girls that really reminded me of lucy and olivia from gilmore girls...
i'm sleepy, i think ima leave now,
posts to go: no clue
current music: every man has a molly, say anything

Will Grayson, Will Grayson: My Reaction

I don't really know the point of this post. i'm not quite sure.
i just wanna say how profoundly this book effected me at this point in my life.
like i said down there, in my last post, it's all about love and friendship and the nature of truth in these things and dead cats and alive cats and whether or not they're still mewing. i dunno, i've been going through... a confused patch? nothing's bad, i'm just... fumbling for answers. i dunno. i don't think i really wanna say anything else, other than that. just kidding. i'm done. i just wanna say this, my favorite quote from the book, other than "naughty, naughty, clavicle" (page 69).
"when things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. it's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. the whole shape has changed."
isn't this the truest thing you've ever heard?

Posts to go: 7 still, right? i have no idea.
music: a well respected man the kinks.
i just ate: a boysenberry yogurt. YUM.
ps. I'M MEETING A NERDFIGHTER TOMORROW. ONE I MET ON THE INTERNET. WGWG SPOILER ALERT: (don't worry, i probably won't die. and it probably won't turn out to be the gloomy girl that wants to date me and pretended to be her to get closer to me. just kidding. will grayson will grayson reference anyone?) I FEEL SO EXHILARATED!

Will Grayson, Will Grayson: A Review

Exploring the true nature of love, friendship and truth, will grayson, will grayson is arguably the best book i've read this month... not that there's much competition.
I adored john's portions of the book, i loved the cat thing, and everything, but i really enjoy david levithan's as well. I was surprised, as the nick and norah's connection wasn't really made until after i loved him. before, i was skeptical... but i soon changed my mind. i loved isaac, i was devasted when we found out his true identity. despite slight problems with the writing (really, it wasn't anything, but the killing people bit was a tosh overdone... i don't have the book with me to quote, but it was all like 'i decided not to kill a bunch of people' or 'i'm either gonna kill myself or a bunch of people' i dunno, that's not really what it said, but seriously?) that was pretty much my only issue, theres were some part of the book that was a bit unbelievable for me. but otherwise, i really liked how david's part was all in lowercase, and how his name kind of looks like leviathan... yeah. good stuff.
anyway, i really liked the book, i adore the story and the message and the set up. I managed to really connect with the book... which i suppose i'll explain next post, if i have the ballz to post it. I have to go, i'm going to an art show... which rory's in, and he's showing the picture of me he made

posts to go: 7
current music: since u been gone, a day to remember

A Journey to Cleveland

Well then, last weekend, off i was to jolly old cleveland, with many a surprise a-waitin' for me.
My grandmother's gotten a lot better. She really has. She has demensia and whatnot, and last time we made the journey, she had no idea who any of us really were... i think, she may have but she didn't stay awake long enough, and she couldn't really talk, and she couldn't walk either. But yeah, she was alright. She suggested we sing her a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday Dear Dog" despite the absence of any dogs and she made up a couple words during the course of lunch.
Then of course, there was the easter egg dyeing, which featured an egg label 'poop' a cracked egg painted to be a smiley with head trauma (the head trauma falling on the cracked side, i know, i'm a genius) and the good old hammer and sickle egg. (compliments of me, as my father wasn't there to make a good 'ole swastica egg, i kid you not, that was his contribution last year.) after the coloring, the egg hunt commenced. At one point, my cousin found an egg, which dropped to the ground as she discovered it, i was fairly close to the ground, so i picked it up. she accused me of fighting her, and decided to reenact the 'fight' by pushing me over the couch back and elbowing me in the face. This woulda been okay at like age five or six, but i'm 14 and my cousin's in her late thirties. yeah.
anyways... that was about the extent of the hub bub up in ohio.
it was a lovely trip.

posts to go: 8
current music: Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, Horse the Band
Love all,
kjadf;kljsa;klfj

crap, i forgot... again

well well well..
it always seems this happens.
my dearest friend, alice, texted me a while ago, asking if i was doing blog more frequently this april... or whatever it's called. and that really sounds lovely, and i really wanted to do it, but alas... it's april 10... and i've blogged 0 times. craaam. anyways.... what can i tell you about? i need to think of 10 more blog posts, stat.
what does stat even mean? okay. an outline of my next 9 blog posts, that i hope to write... by the end of tonight.....
1. my time in cleveland
2. will grayson will grayson: a review
3. will grayson will grayson: how it effected me (this may just end up a part of the former, i don't know, it may just be to gosh-darned personal for me to say it in any other way than off-handedly
4. forbidden broadway: a review
5. The Inevitable: College
6. Recently Favorite Music (not that there is much... just searching for topics....)
7. Why my social studies teacher shouldn't be allowed to teach social studies: A list
8. Why my english teacher might be my favorite english teacher: A list
9. Murie and Brett's Grand Old List of pointy things
10. Something else....?

merf.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuurg.
my, my. I am quite sleepy... no idea why, seeing as I go to bed at like 930.
well, much has happened since i last made what few readers i have aware of my thoughts.
liam and i said i love you. am i allowed to share that here? i dunno, i guess i'll have to be, as i just typed it.... and apparently i am incapable of pressing delete. i feel really good about it, i was all like... merrrrrrrrrf, love is stupid and not real before, but now i think i was just scared somehow? i dunno, i'm happy.
anyways... i guess nothing that amusing has happened... i'm not doing much, aside from hanging out with that adorable boyfriend of mine and... oh! i'm volunteering at the corner place i adore it and despise it at the same time. the kids are so adorable, they all love be, but they're all kind of unfocused, so the adults are constantly bitching at them, it's awful, it's an environment that no one is comfortable with. and i don't know what to do. i'm caught in the middle. i hate when the adults yell, because i've so often been on the other side of the yelling, them breaking their vocal chords at me because i looked in the wrong direction for a little too long, but i also am disappointed in the kids, they want one hour of your time, please, give us that. and both the kids and adults expect different things from me, they both see me as allies. i dunno. i just can't yell at them, that not what i do.
oy, i wanna leave this nonsense, as i soon will.... this seems long overdue. though it's only to cleveland (this friday, yay) it's still... not rochester.

girls just wanna have fun....

sighs, sirs.
i'm exhausted. and all achey.
yesterday, i went outside during seventh to the pad, and had a great leap failure (mao reference for the win, i don't know why i keep using it, i'm the only one that ever finds it funny) anyway, i thought i'd try flipping. i faceplanted. i expected the pad to be bouncy, so i could get enough height to flip, so i jumped up according to my estimated height... and landed on my face. ooooows.
and then i went jumping on tefel's trampoline, it was so bad, when we were walking to his house, he yelled across a street to tell a guy he had a nice dog, and then the guy got in his car and followed us, finally stopping to yell at him, cuz he misheard him. "you got something to say!?!" i would like to say, for the record, that i executed a perfect flip there. just to spite the pad.
then, came soiree. it was lovely. andrew jones, i realized is much like john or hank green, my other heroes. i'm so excited. i love it. i adore all of them. but then i was dancing constantly for like the last twenty minutes. which made me sleepy....
anyways... oy.
then came this morning.
this post is so fail, i'm just going through events, no fun, no fun.
anyways, something of terrible proportions happened. but i shan't describe it... that'd be not good.
but oy, being a girl is tiring. makeup is gross and girl stuff is smelly, not complain or anything, oh, how i enjoyed my time, but i guess i'm just really reserved when it comes to being a girl, everyone else squeals at cute stuff or loves make up or whatever, but i just... dont? i like being quiet sometimes... i guess just hanging out with guys for most of my little people life (and a few girls that were really mean to me, i guess) made me not learn how to be normal?
well now, this isn't a speculation on my femininity, let's move on, shall we?

spring... sprang... yet now there's frozen rain?

hahahaha. oh the title of this post. you make laugh so. (it RHYMES) (i think. i don't know. i'm really tired and though i want to check to see if it actually makes sense and rhymes, i don't think i have the mental capacity. sorry guys.
and to clarify, since i live in upstate new york, spring = any temperature above 50, for any amount of time. sorta? i dunno. i like when you are warm, sir.
mmmkay. so ham jam happened. it was nice. they make me laugh, sirs.
AND JACK HAS A GIRLFRIEND, WHAT THE FUCK?!
oh, what's this?
HANNAH HAS A BOYFRIEND, WHAT THE FUCK?!
speaking of boyfriends, liam might come to church tomorrow??? AAHHHH FREAK OUT!
anyways... speaking of hannah, this past yesterday i found out that she has a WHOLE 'NOTHER ROOM TO HER HOUSE. that i didn't know about. it's like in her basement... they have a bathroom, and we had to set up the room for the german exchange student that was coming, so we walked into that bathroom, and hannah pulled back a curtain and there was like a whole other bedroom, wwwhhaaaat.
yes, so the german exchange student, came here. from germany. his name is daniel. he's pretty cool. the first thing we did was go out to eat, and, of course, wanting to show him america's fine cuisine, we brought him to a place called mike's new york diner. oh my... not that i have a problem with mike's new york diner. i had pancakes. they were delicious. but i was just thinking from daniels perspective... the plates were huge. each of my pancakes was the size of a frisbee, i had three. he said that everything in america is giant - the cars, the roads, the people... *sigh* alright...
so i think i'm done.
oh wait, liam and i decided that we're going to live in a haunted cardboard box, on top of a plastic box, in which we shall sell gloves. and to appease my mother, we're going to live in these aforementioned boxes in my room. liam will have his own special door to my house, aka, climbing in through the window so my mother won't know he's here. don't you love this kid?

a little hole, a small hole in my heart.

i can't even begin to tell you how many times i've cried or almost cried in the past week.
it's not been especially sad or anything... just... emotional a lot?
kd;fkd;afkdf;alkdfj
i don't really wanna talk about it. i just wanted to blog for once... hahaha. sorry about that. i was so proud for a while.... uhmmm.
sorry.
this isn't good.
i'll leave.

oy. oy oy oy.

What a long week this has been. With the faint shadow of my illness playfully following me about, it seems that time is just dragging, in it's own going-to-fast-slipping-through-my-fingers way.
i'm really really sleepy :(
Today was the last day of illegally hanging out in front of the auditorium... *sigh* we all shall miss it, bunches. But now the scary security lady must come about, with all her questions, her little notebook and ever-suspicious and accusatory attitude... I guess it's because of the fight with liam dearest and josh... And the myriad of random not dramalit kids being there, oh-so obnoxiously.
I lost my toolkit notebook. which absolutely and undeniably SUCKS.
I mean, it'll probably be easy enough to just put stuff in a new notebook from now on, the pages were indeed growing few... but i NEED all of those notes, I won't be able to remember what the fuck a fuggin whatitsface is in a month or two! apparently i can't even remember now! oy

anyways... we're doing in grammar in english, i kind of like mr tickell...... he's the only teacher that has gotten me relatively engaged in any sorts of grammar work... today, he had us write sentences based on pictures... and there was one with a volcano... listen to my sentence! (he usually goes around the room to read peoples, but he didn't see this one of mine so i'm sharing with you.)
"Rufus, weary and cold from months of travel, felt a faint warmth and glow emanating from the top of the mountain. He sighed in relief, soon his journey would end."

throwing up is absolutely no fun

uuuuuuuuughhhhhh.
2.00 - i say goodnight to liam and go to bed
4.00 - i wake up to terrible stomach pains
5.00 - somewhere around here, i puke
8.00 - i continue spewing until now, when my stomach is completely empty and sleep until...
15.00 - i wake up very disoriented
18.25 - this is now. i'm really hungry. my rents are at a superbowl party and theres lots of yum food around that i'm not allowed to eat cuz i'm ill! mothafucka i'm ill.... [lil wayne, anyone? i only know this cuz rory really enjoys that song... btw, new band, who knows the silversun pick ups?]
ahhhhhhhhshit. i don't feel good.
but i have to go to school tomorrow. mostly cuz i wanna see liam but also because i have to go to classes, i couldn't miss a day. that'd be bad. except gym. i could miss gym. and social studies. and... probly french. otherwise, i'd fail. oy. this is pointless. basically, dear reader, i puked a bunch. and dear and read are palindromes with each other. dear read. and read dear. wait. no they're not. dammit. i was so excited. whatever. blame it on my aching, aching, head.

:)

please forget i just compared our relationship to a manticore and beta fish making love
- my lovely splendid boyfriend.
be jealous.

Cabin Fever

"I got cabin fever it's burning in my brain
I've got cabin fever it's driving me insane
We got cabin fever, we're flipping our bandanas
Been stuck at sea so long we have simply gone bananas"
-Muppet Treasure Island

gahhh. my cabin. this place. my house. school. rochester.
i need to get out of here. ever feel like that? i just want to take a week or two and be anywhere but here. well. not... anywhereanywhere... hmmm... places i'd like to be:
1. north carolina, to see alice.
2. gun lake in the summer. everyday of my life i want to be there.
3. athens, greece.
4. hogwarts. got to get back to hogwarts. gotta get back to schoooool.
5. edinbraugh, scotland
6. naboo. yeah. star wars ftw.
7. paris, france (i know, original. but come on)
8. cape cod... osterville. in the summer.
9. i don't know... driving cross country with a couple friends and some good music, the point is i would no longer be here.

february, a blog post.

eeergh. why do i keep starting posts like that?
tonight i saw leap year with hannah. it was your average chick flick.
kind of the exact same plot as every single other romantic comedy... same predictability, how you know exactly what's going to happen the second when the main character walks on screen, the same guys: the pleasant mr 'right' and the ruggedly handsome new guy that the main character accidentally falls in love with, *oops.*, who, in this movie, was actually quite attractive. matthew goode. learn about it....
it was set in ireland though, which made stuff considerably better, cuz its so pretty there. and that picture doesn't even really show it. jeez. anyways. it made me really wanna go there. or. at least, not rochester. gahh. it's winter here, guys. i dislike winter. a lot. it's probably winter in ireland too, but at least it's not here. or i'd go to scotland... hmmm. today liam said that when he grows up, he wants to live in a castle in scotland. and he wants to have a bunch o chilluns, including but not limited to two boys, named 'fear' and 'ambush'. at least. that's what i think he said... *sigh...* that'd be cool.... :)
finally.... songs stuck in my head. gah. i saw guys and dolls last night. (fo free, i ushed) twas lovely. andrew jones is freaking AWESOME. i wanna be him when i grow up, he was nicelynicely, and eeeeeeee. the link i put there doesn't compare to jones' perfomance, but at least you'll hear the song. he was just beltin' and flippin shit and HE'S SO COOL. he called me adorable the other day. it made my month. i kid you not. anyways... what was i talking about??? oh yes. guys and dolls. well. basically i was gonna say that i have a bushel and a peck stuck in my head. listen at your own risk, rory's been singing it allllll day.
i'm afraid i have another song stuck in my head. but it's actually good. so it's okay. sorta. it's from this musical bare, which i actually haven't seen in entirety, cuz i'm so in love with this one song. but yes. gahahhhhhh. listen and enjoy.
hmmm. i probably have other things to tell people. ah well. i doubt anything'll go anywhere. i get on tangents. it's horrible. terrible, even.... night all.....

JANUARY: A BLOG POST THAT IS SLIGHTLY LESS RANTY

Hey guys... sorry about last post... i'm an angry person, what can i say.
so midterms are over, the play is over, and the bittersweet calm of having nothing to do is falling over me.
well, not exactly. i have to do an english project on racial stereotypes of african americans for english. *Sigh* otherwise... yeah.
I was pondering blog posting today, as i learned last night that three of my dear, dear friends have blogs that i was not aware of. this was all terribly exciting. but really? what is acceptable to post? i like snapshot blogs, not synopsises... synopsi... synopses...? ooh! the last one's right. you know? if you're blogging about a sleepover or something, i wanna hear about what cara said that was really weird and innapropriate. i don't wanna hear that you got home, went upstairs, oh yeah my friends were there, we watched some stuff, we went on the computer. lol. thats just bad news, bears. crap, this is turning into a rant again. sorry. i suppose i'm just a terribly horrible person. :(

JANUARY: A BLOG POST

Okay, so sorry for ignoring the blog, etc. I've had shtuff to do. So, I have a couple parts i'd like to include.
1. My latest english project
1. a. another english project.
2. Ghandi
3. My big fat greek conondrum
4. stassa's birthday party
5. boarsfest
6. misc???
1. Okay, so my english project. Part one and stuff. well. Sir. Basically, I have to write a memoir about how i broke a law/social rule/rule of one of my groups or something because of my moral standing. I can think of NOTHING. for most of my life, i have been severely not rebel, you know? the only stuff i can think of is completely inappropriate for school, and even if i was appropriate i would never in a million years want mr tickell reading about it. asdkjf;akldjfk;a, oh, the awkwardness.
1. a) though i don't know what's okay and what's not. tickell has talked about sex/orgies/raping in class before, is that stuff okay? my splendid and terrific boyfriend let me read an essay of his (he was hesitant at first, i now see why) entitled 'Fuck You'. I was like, okay, probably something random, but really, it is about fucking. the assignment was to write a scene for catcher in the rye, taking place before the book happened, and he wrote about the first 'fuck you' holden saw, and holden asking the older boys what it meant, which they proceeded to explain, semi-graphically. he got a 91. his teacher said nothing about the content. i am in awe. i wish i had the courage to do that, but really, it's different, it would be a personal experience.... eh, ill figure it out. i hope. or ill make something up.
2. ghandi. we watched this movie last wednesday, it was an in school field trip that took SIX PERIODS. i mean, i enjoyed missing school, but seriously? anyways, i am so pissed at our class. both times when ghandi died, they laughed. i mean, he says 'oh god' really weirdly, and it's not a well placed line, and it wasn't delivered well at all, but they should at least have the respect, the decency not to LAUGH. akd;lfjda;ksjf;ldajf and mr gross totally said we didn't have to take notes/take a test on it, but apparently notes are due tomorrow, along with a jolly ole quiz. whatever. gross gets his comeuppance. the other class, he was yelling at people outside in the hall that were being loud and he was like "come on, shut up! i'm trying to teach!!!" and all we heard from the other side of the door was laughter.
3. My big fat greek conundrum is the name of my baby. it's a play i-er, we, wrote for art of acting. but i love it and its mine. only not really. but. you know. i dont know really where i was going with this. i mean, i really do love it.. but there's not much to say. i'm hera, i'm allergic to kraken. i'm the best.
4. okay... so now i'm talking about...... stassa's birthday party! okay, it wasn't that important, but i saw peter again. twas... interesting. i walk in, and he's sitting on the couch, with his arms around zanna and shalini, like around around, not just like oh, how innocent, but like, seriously guys? throughout the night, they were feeding him skittles. what the fuck? i'll tell you this as unpissedly as possible, but zanna was wearing like, clown prostitute [scrubs reference anyone?] lipstick and a little dress (not that i don't like dresses, i actually gave her the dress she was wearing and have a similar one myself, though i of course wear tights/leggings/a shirt over it/a sweater/hoodie) she was wearing none of the aforementioned things. well. she was wearing nude tights. but come on. those really don't count. it's sleeveless and comes to mid-thigh, put some fucking clothes on, its not worth it to dress up like that for him, you're better than him. sorry. that was ranty. but i love everyone. it's okay.
5. boarsfest. oooohmmmygod. boarsfest this year was wonderful, purely because of my costume. pretty much everything else was not enjoyable. but god. i had a light green dress, with really flowy sleeves with little flowers embroidered on them. and my hat had two cones (two cones?!) with a veil suspended from the points that floated behind me as i walked.... *sigh*
6. misc. uhm. my month anniversary with liam is on friday. that's the day we have the free together. i'm all excited. eeeeeeee. :) okay, this post is long enough, i must leave you. farewell!